Strolling along merrily, minding my own business when in my peripheral vision pops up the most expensive, ridiculous and pointless object known to idiots. I stop, turn and barely acknowledge its shape let alone its function and before I can say “balls” I’m hailing a taxi to take me away from what feels like the scene of a crime, a grand lighter in pocket and possessing a painting/crash-helmet/chromed cowboy boots or some other such derangement, that all seemed to make sense but forever will have me puzzled…….

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